10 ways you can boost your self-esteem

Throughout my adolescence and adulthood I have been wanting to make changes to my physical appearance, whether it was my lips, my nose or my breasts.  I really believed that if I changed these, then I would be happier and somehow “accepted” and successful. 

Every time I had the opportunity to get it done by making sacrifices, my guilt would kick in.  Thoughts of what if something goes wrong?  What if I’m not happy with the results?  Or, I have four kids, could I put that money to a better use?  There were times that I wished I didn’t have such a conscience and that I would just have the willpower to spend the money without feeling guilty.  However, I could not, as it was not in my nature, nor who I was.  So,  I would put it off every time until I could pay for it without feeling like I’m taking something from my family.

Fast forward to 2019.  While looking in the mirror and noticing my “imperfections,” I started asking myself,  why were they imperfections?  Why did I want to change them and be willing to spend thousands of dollars to feel more confident? I also started questioning other negative beliefs about my persona; however, after much research and self-reflection, I realized that I had been conditioned with others' opinions, comments and images of beautiful girls all over social media.  That led me to believe that I needed those changes to be considered pretty and successful… that I needed to fit into THEIR perception of beauty and success.  I also realized that such negative comments I’ve been hearing from a young age had embedded themselves so deeply into my mind to the point that I believed they were my own opinions.  Whenever I received any compliments or words of encouragement I would dismiss them so quickly like “Oh, they are just trying to be nice”.

It was not easy,  but I decided that I needed to take a stand against those opinions and perceptions of beauty and success that society and social media have projected onto us.  I would no longer subject myself to that.  If someone felt like I was not beautiful or successful enough, then it would be their problem and not mine.  I actively worked on reconditioning, and reframing myself, my beliefs, and my mentality to finally have the self-esteem that was long overdue.

Now, I want to share a few ways that can help you boost your self-esteem, as it did mine. 

1. Get to know yourself.  What do you like?  What don’t you like?  What makes you unique?  What brings you joy?  What are your unshakeable values?  It is easier to make decisions once you know these.

2. Don’t look for approval or validation.  The only opinion that should matter is YOURS and how you feel about yourself.

3. Stop feeling inferior. NO one EVER is above you or more than you.  We are all equal.

4. Leave your fears and insecurities behind.  Knowing the roots of your fears and insecurities is very crucial.  Once known,  it will help you understand why you have them, and you can start the process of reconditioning your mind.  Just imagine yourself without those fears and insecurities.  Who would you be? What would you do?  What can you achieve?

5. Make peace with your “imperfections.”  They are part of you; it makes you who you are.  Our bodies are unique to each of us; therefore, incomparable.  Once you accept them,  you are more likely to see yourself in a more positive way and not stress so much about them. If you want to change something, do it for yourself. Not for trends or others. 

6. Stop comparing yourself.  Yes, I know this is easier said than done, but it is very important.  We are all different and have different lifestyles and situations.  No life is the same.  Stop comparing yourself to others, especially with people you don’t even know and only see on social media.  Trust me,  all you see are the highlights of their lives.  It is unfair to you to compare your everyday life to a few moments of theirs.

7. Invest in yourself. Investing in your outer image(stylist, health and fitness coach)is great! But also in your mental and your spiritual self as well. 

8. Eliminate your limited self beliefs.  These beliefs most of the time are not even yours.  You have been conditioned to believe these, usually in the early years of our lives through young adulthood, and many times by our loved-ones.  Often, our loved ones do not realize the power of their words and the damage they can cause, so don’t hold it against them.  Unfortunately we start believing this and conform ourselves to these beliefs.  Challenge your beliefs.  Why do you believe such things?  Are they truly yours?  Why?  Who says?

9. Be careful of who you let in in your life or in your social media feed.  Do they bring value to your life?  Do they help you become a better person?

10. Be kind to yourself.  Write a list of your best qualities and achievements.  If you were your best friend, what qualities would you admire in yourself?  Treat yourself like you would treat a good friend.

Boosting your self-esteem is a process, not something you will gain overnight.  With focus,  persistence and nurturing, you will achieve it.  I have also come to realize that genuine and kind people do not care or notice our physical “imperfections” but they care about the content of our character;  and those are the people we want to be around.

xo